Dream. Inspire. Educate. How I became the Teacher I am Today

This post is week 2 of 8 in the 8 Weeks of Summer Blog Challenge for educators.

Dreaming of a Better Future

Growing up I struggled with trauma & poverty. It wasn't a guarantee that I would graduate high school, let alone go to college. In fact, no one in my immediate family had, so college was not even on my radar for a very long time. I never doubted I would finish high school. That was something I knew I would do just to spite those that said I couldn't. But, college? Never.

Until one teacher helped me see that there could be a better future for me. One where I could have a positive impact on children's lives. One that I had never even dreamed was a possibility for me. Education. Be a teacher. The idea clicked and at 20 years old, I was the first in my family to enroll in college. I thought I would teach British Literature, so I focused on literature courses and a few basics. Until at 21, I decided I needed to work more than go to college, so I dropped out of college.

Then, I had my daughter. She was my inspiration to get back to school because when I looked into her tiny face I KNEW I wanted more for her. In fact, I wanted to be a role model for her. I wanted her to grow up and see that with hard work and education, she can achieve her dreams. So, I set out to reach my dreams and enrolled in college again. While in school I became a substitute and through my experiences, I quickly realized that elementary was the right fit for me and that I truly loved being around kids in the 4th and 5th-grade classrooms that I was a regular substitute for. 

I worked so hard when my daughter was an infant. I subbed during the school day and focused on my studies in the evening. In fact, most of that time is a blur. There were many long, sleepless nights where I would work on school tasks while caring for a baby. It was more than worth it though. 

I completed my Bachelor's of Art in Interdisciplinary Studies Pre-k to 6 in under 2 calendar years thanks to Western Governor's University self-paced program and affordable tuition. Not only was I the first in my immediate family to achieve a college degree, but I also did it in an amazingly short time-frame AND with a 4.0! I realized education is my key to a better future, thereby ensuring that her future is better as well. I believe this is the beginning of my understanding of the power that education can bring to children who don't believe there are other options. I realized that education cannot be taken from me. It is the one thing I control. Which means that my students have that same gift given to them every day they come to school.

Inspiring Children to Find Their Passion

Through my passion for reading and education, I found a new love. A love of inspiring young minds to find their passions. I realized that without teachers who cared for me and pushed me past my own limitations, I would not be where I am now. I would not have taken Advanced Placement courses. I would not have gone to college. I would not think of education as a place I belong in as a profession. I would not be in a classroom at all. Now it is my turn to pass that same inspiration and belief on to others who doubt themselves due to their unfortunate circumstances. Our circumstances do not define us. What we make of them does.

Educators have power in words. 

It can be as simple as it was for me when a teacher said: "We need more good teachers. You need to go to college." The fact that a woman I respected and admired thought I would make a good teacher was enough to get my feet moving toward college. She pointed me in the right direction even if it did take many years from that point on. Without that one statement from her, I know for a fact I would not be in the classroom now. 

I try to remember this moment as much as possible to remind myself of the power that we have with our words. I tell my students about their individual and unique gifts and help them see how they can foster those gifts through education to have a bright future. A future that is successful in spite of the hardships and trauma they may endure now. I believe in them. And that is communicated daily. It is the springboard for their own inspiration.

Education is a Gift

Every person has the right to an education regardless of race, culture, gender, disability, or circumstances. I knew growing up that school was an escape for me. It was a way for me to shed the trauma of my home environment. This is a truth many of my students know as well. 

Once a teacher showed me that he believed in my academic ability, it became even more than that. Not only was school an escape from home, but school was also now a way out. I could be better. Do better. All I had to do was learn. So I did. And through that experience, I realized that while everyone attends school, everyone does not see it as the gift it should be. That has become my mission. 

I desire for every student in my classroom to come in and realize they are not a product of their circumstances. They are not the traumatic experiences they have lived in. They are creating who they are every day they walk in the classroom. I frequently tell them that the one thing no one can ever take from them is their education, so fight for it! Recognize that it is your right to be in the classroom, but you will walk out with the gift of knowledge that is all your own. No one can take that from you. Ever. This is the most precious gift. Believe in yourself. If I can help my students see this year after year then I know I am doing what I was meant to do. I want to inspire other kids as I was inspired. I believe in them and the future they will create. This is more powerful than any lesson I will ever deliver on content. This guides who I am as a teacher every day when I walk into the classroom. I can only hope that my students see my passion and belief in their abilities and use that to gain an understanding of what they can accomplish. 

What I Was Meant For

I realized that my true calling is with teaching literature. Let's face it, I love to read. That love and enjoyment of books carries over authentically to my students. It helps me inspire them to find their love of reading.

I also realized that I am definitely meant for intermediate/middle school grade levels. I love working with children when they are trying to find themselves and explore their identities. I am hoping that my impact will be larger because they will hopefully carry my lessons on education and my belief in their individual talents as they grow and become successful adults. 

I learned that through being a life-long learner, I can accomplish more than I ever dreamed of. By the time I was 28 I had a Masters Degree in Instructional Design. This was an idea that never seemed possible for me when I was growing up. And, because of that, I can help my students realize that they can make a change for themselves as well. 

What does the future hold for me in education?

I am also beginning to learn that I may have a calling for a larger impact. I enjoy teaching educators. I want to help others in the classroom meet the needs of their students-not just academically-but also emotionally. But, I fear leaving the classroom. I know one day I will. I am beginning to think it is what I am meant to do. But, I also know that the unknown is scary. There is even a part of me that worries I am not good enough to inspire educators to learn and grow for their students because of my traumatic past. After all, how could I teach them when I didn't even know I wanted to be a teacher until I was told? No one truly knows what the future holds, but I do hope that mine holds the ability to impact teachers in the classroom and the students in front of them. And, I am finally seeing that I can believe in my own abilities. 

My future as a learner is changing as well. I am considering a new journey into a Ph.D. The fact that I even put that in writing to share is monumental. It may take a while to gain courage, but it is there in my mind. I now realize it is something I can do. And that is what I want my students to understand. Education is there for them. The sky is the limit. They hold so many possibilities in their hands. All they have to do is BELIEVE in themselves like I believe in them! 

I am a teacher because....

My teacher's saved me. I say that often. If it wasn't for education, learning, and the amazing men and women who showed me that I do matter, I would not be where I am today. Growing up I did not want to be a teacher. I had never thought it was anything to consider. I never thought longer in advance than getting through the day. I wouldn't be a teacher today if it weren't for those few who believed in me, because I for sure did not believe in myself. I had FOUR teachers in high school who had an impact on me. Three of those four teachers saved me and helped me choose the right path in my life and one of them fought me every step of the way, which just made me stronger and more determined to do better today. This is my story of their influence. Because of them, I work as hard as I can to provide a safe, loving place for all of my children in my classroom. Because of them, I teach.

I was the kid everyone worried about at school because I was the one with the sad story. I was the one that didn't fit the middle-class life present in the rest of the school. I was the one who was "different" and had emotional needs they didn't know how to handle. Don't get me wrong-I worked HARD-and I strived for excellence. But, I started that late. My sophomore year in high school my creative writing teacher invited me to apply for an AP English & AP History class for my Junior year. I laughed at first. I was NOT "Advanced Placement" material. The fact that I was in advanced math was something I considered a "fluke." I was the only student invited for grade 11 that was not already in AP English & History classes. This teacher gave me my very first opportunity to prove myself. He ended up not returning my Junior year, and I tried to show every teacher that year that he wasn't wrong to include me because so many doubted me. I could see it in their faces and the way they responded to me when I tried to hide in the back-nervous to be called on. Nervous that I would prove them right and that I didn't belong in the classes with the "smart" kids. 

I spent that year fighting to prove I was "smart enough" and "good enough" to be included in these classrooms. Even as I watched my mother get sicker and sicker and eventually pass away in December of my Junior year due to diabetes complications. What I remember most of this time period is my AP History teacher who fought for me to stay in AP classes and gave me time and chances to prove myself. He believed in me and made sure I knew it. He showed compassion when my mother passed away and he even attended her funeral one day after Christmas in the worst ice storm we had that winter. He was also the hardest teacher I ever had-he pushed us all to the highest limits of thinking. I loved his classroom. It was my favorite time of the day. I strive to create an open environment of learning and acceptance as he did. I strive to be the teacher that will push kids past their own learning ability beliefs and yet be compassionate and caring at the same time.

On the other hand, that same year, my AP English teacher couldn't stand me. I know this for a fact. She had a reputation for "grading for favoritism" and she was angry when I would do well. She rolled her eyes any time I contributed in the classroom. I hated being in there, but I kept going and trying. At the end of the year, she looked at me and told me, "You cannot continue with AP English. I do not believe you should have been placed here to begin with. Your grades were up and down all year-especially in December. I will not sign the permission for you to continue next year with AP English." I will never forget looking at her with tear-filled eyes and responding with hatred in my voice that "Maybe my grades dipped in December because my mother died." Her face said it all. She had cared so little she never reached out to my counselors or other teachers, who all knew about my mom, to find out what happened to create a drastic change. She signed my form and never said another word to me for the remaining two weeks in class until the last day of school when she told me to "come visit her any time." I made sure I didn't. I didn't want her "pity" care. I vow to myself every day to NEVER be a teacher who has such a negative impact on a student. This story is important because if it wasn't for her signing that form, I wouldn't have met the one teacher who made me a teacher. The one teacher who inspired me in ways no one else ever did.

As a senior, I was in full rebellion outside of school hours. In school, I was a model student, who worked hard to meet teacher expectations and I wanted to learn. School and reading was my escape from an ugly reality at home. My AP English teacher that year was the best teacher I have ever had. She was fun and caring and strived to reach all of her students. She saw that I was floundering. She saw that I had a desire to do well, but didn't always have the time or ability to do what I knew I should. I stayed late many days with her helping her organize her classroom, or just working on projects when no one else was there. She talked to me. She treated me like a person. She made me feel like I mattered. She allowed me to grieve for my mother. I will never forget crying in her office one day after school when she looked at me and said "It's okay to cry. I am here." She was the first who allowed me to show it. The first person who gave me permission to grieve. Something I never really did at home even. While I will never forget the books I read in her classroom and the units of study on Greek mythology, the thing I remember most is a warm acceptance and love that flowed from her. She is my inspiration every day when I enter a classroom. When I went to visit her at 20 years old, I still had no idea what I was going to do with my life. I was just starting to look into going to college. When I told her this her words reverberated deep in my heart and never let go-"We need more good teachers. Go to school and make a difference like I know you can." And that is exactly what I did. Before she made this declaration I had never thought to be a teacher. She put the thought in my head. And I thank her every day for it.

She was right. I can make a difference. I am making a difference. I choose to teach in urban school districts and Title 1 schools because the children in front of me have trauma at home that leads their lives and the path they are on. I desire to teach them that they CAN be anything they want with hard work and dedication. One thing I constantly tell my students is: "There are many things in the world that you cannot control, but the one thing you can control is education. NO ONE can take what you know away from you. So, fight for it. Learn. Grow. Embrace your education so you can one day make a difference." 

My "Why" isn't typical by any means. But, it belongs to me. It is my story. And this is just the beginning of it. I teach to make a difference. To create an inner belief in every student that they are capable of so much more than they think. To help them see that they can make a difference themselves. The students in my classroom are my future and it is going to be a bright future with them in charge...what is your why?